Pizza and Profanity

Pizza. I calls it “pizzer” (peet-zer). I calls it “pie.” I do not calls it “'za,” and I never will. When I worked at the pizza shop in Morgantown with C$ and a few other Spencerians, C$ and I wrote “Tastee Pies” on one of those little boards with interchangeable letters usually used for stating price, menu, etc., so all of the customers could read it when they entered the shop for pick-up. It lasted a good while until a troglodyte, I think his name was Mike, took it down since his sense of humor was very short to nonexistent. Nice work, Mike. You don't deserve any pizza.

Has any other food been created that is more perfect than pizza? I doubt it. Dairy group, check. Vegetables, check. Proteins, check. Breads, check. I like mine as thin as possible, crispy on the bottom with a little chew to the crust. Put some sauce on it. I prefer a nice, even saucing while others prefer a dearth. Give me some sauce. Mozzarella on top, and that's it. Fresh mozzarella is great. Shredded mozzarella of good quality in a bag is all right, especially when it's on sale. I think making your own mozzarella is a pretty straightforward task, one which I will someday tackle, but I have not arrived there yet. Oh, sometimes I top with pepperoni or a make a Margherita pizza, but usually I like a simple cheese. I sprinkle hot pepper flakes on my pizza when I have them, which is usually.

Speaking of sauce, I was able to use the remainder of my Bolognese on one of the pizzas I cooked last night. I like taking what I have left and creating something else with it. It makes me happy. I used quite a bit of the sauce, and atop that I placed some nice and fresh pineapple that had been ripening on the counter for the last several days. I am troubled that most of the fruit I eat is not allowed to ripen completely on the vine, but not too troubled. Cheese, of course, and that was one pizza. I thought it was pretty good, even though my wife poo-pooed the pineapple idea initially. Pineapples and banana chilis are a great juxtaposition, also, if you can tolerate a few Scovilles.

Keep in mind that these pizzas are rather small, 10 by 10 inches at the most, and certainly not perfectly round. I was practicing my dough tossing yesterday. I did pretty good. The dough never hit the floor, and I tossed a couple spirals. Nice. So on the second pie, I had some onions and mushrooms that I sauted on high heat, which I usually avoid, but I was pressed for time since the Mounties were playing Pitt in just a few minutes hence. While they were sauteing, I had the dough in the oven cooking a little bit. Cooking the dough first without toppings is the best thing to do, and I had to learn this the hard way from eating several soggy-bottomed pizzas that did not make me proud. Remember I do not have a pizza oven. In any context, I think, soggy bottomed should be avoided.

After my onyons and mushrooms cooked, I olive-oiled that crust and spread the mix. Topped that with cheese and threw it back into the oven until my cheese browned some. If only I had a pizza oven in the kitchen.

And then I ate pizza and watched WVU win this version of the Backyard Brawl. I was curious how the students would react during the game since I read two or three articles about how the Administration at the University, as well as the man himself, Huggy Bear, had asked the students to tone down their profane language during the contest. I don't know if I expected not to hear profanity from the students (This is WVU, not Harvard, after all), but I was a bit surprised when I heard the students chanting, “Suck my Dixon.” Now, I don't know if this chant was aimed at Coach Dixon or at one of the Pitt players named Dixon. That is as irrelevant as the wrinkles on my hands. Huggins grabbed the mic at one point and told the students it was stupid for them to throw things onto the court as it could hurt the players or officials. Shortly after that, a Pitt coach was struck in the face with an object. I was not proud to be a Mountaineer at this point (one that is becoming an old man), and a raucous bunch at a basketball game is no excuse for throwing things haphazardly, pizza night or no.